apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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