Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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