I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
