I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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