Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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