It's Friday. Sex?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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