A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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