why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
