i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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