I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
