OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
