No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
