You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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