"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I need water and some morals
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
