my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
