I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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