I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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