There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
