I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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