Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
