i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
