Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
