Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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