He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
