A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
