He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
