Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
