And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
