John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
