apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
