Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
