I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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