Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
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Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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