If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
