We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
