If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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