first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
