Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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