Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
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He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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