She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Let's paint friendship bongs
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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