Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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