I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
