fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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