i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
