Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
