haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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