The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
