when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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