Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
