The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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