this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
