I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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