please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
