Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
