dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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