I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
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I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
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I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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