I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
