I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
