I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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