you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
